Sadness

I am one of the most screwed up persons that you’ve heard of.

I’m 17 years old. More mature than most adults.

But, I don’t want this. I don’t want to carry this burden.

I’m collapsing under my insecurity,

crushed by my past, my present, and my future.

For I know what lies ahead in this life, sorrow, misery, grief.

No one knows this more than I,

though people claim I’m too young to fully grasp what life has to offer.

So wrong they are. I have life pinned down in its fetal position,

screaming its ugly truths to me in terror.

I soak it all in. I learn from it.

I get depressed from it.

Then I stick my head up high and act like nothing bothers me.

I am a lion with a soft heart.

It wasn’t until a few months ago that reality hit me like a brick on glass.

I shattered, then immediately tried to put myself back together.

I spent long nights staring at my ceiling, reflecting on my past.

I realized my life is a wreck.

It’s depressing to look in a mirror and literally jump back at whose staring back at you,

to realize you’ve been living behind a wall of insecurity.

And now that wall has come down, exposing me to the world.

I wasn’t ready yet. I was still a girl caught up in her fanciful dreams.

However, I really was never a young girl. No, I was robbed of it.

I think that all of my problems started when I was teenager,

when my ignorance led to my downfall.

I tried raise myself and tried to be independent.

I'm failure at parenting myself.

I feel like curling into the fetal position and hiding under the covers.

From what? From my past? From my insecurities?

I have nothing to live for.

It's comes form my realization that my life is not complete.

My goal has not been accomplished.

Life is short..

you could never understand

meaningless-good-bye

Afifah Aris